The Xmen Present: Rapunzel
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of Rapunzel, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **Alrightly then, _Rapunzel_ was requested by:

Acherlyn  
AngelF18  
SuniGyrl  
XOXheartAmy  
feralfairy  
My Beautiful Ending

Still having trouble with _Aladdin_ so I'm just going to work on it on the side.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a man and a woman who longed to have a child. Finally, the woman became pregnant.

Now it happened that from their home they could see into the garden belonging to a witch and growing over the wall was the most beautiful rapunzel. The woman saw it and longed for it to the point where she refused any other food and bade her husband to get some for her.

* * *

"Talk about cravings," Rogue said. "A little extreme don't you think?"

"Maybe the rapunzel was magical," Kitty giggled.

"By the way, don't these two have names?" Gambit asked. "I want to know who to harass."

**Hmm...**

* * *

Remy loved Anna Marie dearly. Worried for her, Remy did as he was asked and climbed into the garden to collect rapunzel.

* * *

"You just had to say it, didn't you, Swamp Rat," Rogue said disgustedly.

"Hang on," Jean said. "If you're the mother, then who's Rapunzel?"

"Well, at least I'm _stealing_ the rapunzel," Gambit mused.

* * *

Remy made the rapunzel into a salad, which Anna Marie ate and she liked it so much that she desired more and more.

* * *

"That's because I'm an awesome cook," Gambit nodded. "I can make even salad taste nice."

"It's called salad dressing," Kitty said. "Even I know that."

"Psh, salad dressing. You probably use that store-bought stuff that has so much fat in it, that it defeats the purpose of having salad in the first place," Gambit dismissed.

"Oookay, let's get back to the story now," Rogue said.

* * *

Now it happened that one night that Remy got caught by the witch who owned the garden.

* * *

"Dammit! Why are you always having me get caught, Chellerbelle?" Gambit demanded.

**Don't blame me. I'm just parodying pre-existing stories.**

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Wanda demanded. "How dare you steal from me!"

"Please," Remy replied. "My wife is pregnant and she refuses to eat anything but the rapunzel you grow in your garden."

* * *

"Am I begging?" Gambit asked. "Could this get any more humiliating?"

"Why yes, I rather think it could my little snuggle-bear," Rogue teased him and pinched his cheek.

"Snuggle-bear," Logan snickered.

"Ha," Wanda smirked. "Now you know how I feel when Toad calls me sugar-plum. Also: Yay for being the villain again."

* * *

"Hmm, well all right, you may have all the rapunzel you want," Wanda decided. "But in return I want the baby."

In his fear, Remy agreed.

* * *

"I'm not scared of Wanda!" Gambit objected. "I hate this story."

"Excuse me?" Wanda said. "You should be scared of me. I'm frightening stuff, thank you very much."

"Oh please. I've met scarier people than you," Gambit dismissed. "Roguey. Bella Donna."

"Hey, I'm way scary," Wanda replied.

"I think you're scary, sweetums!" Toad said helpfully.

"Ugh."

* * *

One day, Anna Marie gave birth, and on that day, Wanda appeared and took the baby. She named her Jean.

* * *

"Jean?"

"Jean!"

"Omigod!"

"Wait..." Jean said. "You mean I actually get to be the heroine for once? I'm sorry did we just enter bizarro world?"

"Now I really hate this story," Gambit said. "The stealing and the cooking was fine, so was being married to Roguey. But then I'm getting caught and begging and now I discover Roguey's and my offspring is Jean."

"I'm thinking there must have been a mix-up at the hospital," Rogue nodded. "Although this does make up just a little for me being Scott and Taryn's offspring in ISnow White/I."

"No it doesn't," Gambit shook his head. "I refuse to have anything to do with the Summers-Grey bloodline. Now I'm glad Wanda took Jean away."

"I feel so loved," Jean said dryly.

* * *

Jean became the most beautiful child under the sun, but when she turned twelve, Wanda locked her up in a tall tower with neither door nor stairway, only a single window at the top. When Wanda wanted to enter, she would call out "Jean, Jean, let down your hair", and Jean would unravel her long hair, long enough that it fell twenty yards to the bottom. Wanda would then use Jean's hair to climb up.

* * *

"Oh yeah, I forgot that bit," Wanda said. "You know, Jean, I hope you have good shampoo and hair conditioner."

"Oh course I do," Jean replied haughtily. "Although you realise that since I can't get out of the tower then you're the one who's going to have to supply me."

"Actually, that's a good point," Wanda mused. "In fact if I were to stop visiting you all together..."

"Hey!"

* * *

It happened some years later that the handsome Prince Scott passed by. He saw Jean at her window, heard her singing to herself and instantly fell in love with her. He searched desperately for a way up, but found none.

Prince Scott came to the tower every day, trying to seek a way up. Then one morning he saw Wanda at the base of the tower and heard her call:

"Jean, Jean, let down your hair!"

Prince Scott watched as the long braid of red hair fell down the side of the tower and Wanda used it like a rope to climb up.

The next day, Prince Scott approached the tower and called out:

"Jean, Jean, let down your hair!"

As the day before, Jean let her hair down and Scott climbed up.

* * *

"Wouldn't that hurt?" Rogue asked. "Jean's probably lucky all her hair is still on her head."

**She tied it to a hook first.**

"Oh I see."

* * *

At first Jean was terrified when she saw that it was Prince Scott who had climbed up her hair, not Wanda. However, Prince Scott soon calmed her down, telling her how much he loved her singing and how beautiful he though she was. Eventually Jean calmed down, and Prince Scott arranged to come visit her every day.

Now it happened that Wanda had no idea of these visits until one day:

"Wanda?" Jean asked. "I have a question."

"Yes, my dear?" Wanda replied.

* * *

"Dear?" Wanda repeated. "_Dear?_ I'm calling Jean 'dear' now? Don't make me puke."

"Geez, what did I ever do to you?" Jean asked.

"You exist."

"Well, thanks a lot. I'm sorry my existence offends you."

"So you should be," Wanda nodded, considered and then pointed to Scott. "He offends me more though."

Scott rolled his eyes, but no one could see it behind his glasses.

* * *

"Why is it that my clothes are so tight?" Jean asked in her naivety. "They no longer fit me."

* * *

"Scott got her _pregnant_?" Kitty exclaimed.

"Hey, I don't recall that ever happening in the story," Jean exclaimed.

**Heh heh heh, it happened in the original version by the Grimm Brothers. They just got squeamish about the whole idea and changed it in later editions.**

"I don't know why you're so surprised," Gambit said. "What else do you think they were doing trapped at the top of a tower like that? Playing scrabble?"

"Score for not being the heroine this time!" Rogue declared triumphantly, pumping her fists in the air.

* * *

Wanda became angry when she realised what exactly she had been asked and what it mean. She flew into a rage and viciously cut off Jean's hair and then sent her into the wilderness. In time she gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, whom she named Nathan and Rachel.

* * *

"Twins?" Jean exclaimed. "I had twins?"

**Yep. Rapunzel had a twin boy and girl in the story too.**

"Double score not being the heroine!" Rogue said delightedly.

"Aww chere," Gambit said grumpily. "I think I should be hurt that you don't want to have my babies."

"You kidding? Last time we had a kid, it turned out to be Jean."

* * *

On the same day that Jean expelled, Prince Scott approached the tower as usual and called out:

"Jean, Jean, let down your hair!"

He climbed up Jean's braid when it was lowered to the ground and got the shock of his life when he came face to face with Wanda.

* * *

"Yeah," Scott drawled. "That would come as a bit of a shock: expecting to see Jean's beautiful face and seeing Wanda instead."

Wanda glared at him.

"Yep," Pyro agreed. "Wanda's face outshines Jean's any day."

* * *

"You have lost Jean forever!" Wanda informed him nastily.

In his despair, Prince Scott threw himself to the ground, took the braid down with him and lost his eyesight in the fall. He wandered around sorrowfully until one day in the wilderness he heard a familiar voice singing. He approached and called out to her. Jean recognised him instantly and in a heart-felt moment they were reunited. Two of Jean's tears fell into his eyes and his sight was restored.

* * *

**The end.**

"Wait, what about me?" Wanda said. "If Scott took the braid with him, then that means I'm stuck in the tower."

"Serves you right," Jean decided. "Besides, you're the one who liked playing the villian."

"Don't worry Wanda!" Pyro declared. "I will save you!"

"No, I'm gonna save you, sugar-plum!" Toad insisted. "I can climb the tower and carry you down."

"On seconds thoughts, maybe I'm better off in the tower," Wanda said.

"Oh yeah well, what starts with 'F' and ends in 'UCK'?" Pyro asked and then answered himself: "Fire truck! They have these things, they're called ladders."

"Smart thinking, mon ami," Gambit nodded.

"Oooh," Pyro added. "And they also have fun sirens!"


End file.
